Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
