well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
