she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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