Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
