Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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