U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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