I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
