Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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