She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
