would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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