I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
