she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
