We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
