I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
