this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
