i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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