and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
