I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
