you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
