well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
