I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
