Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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