so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
