This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
