is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
