no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You can't just leave with hair like that
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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