I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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