You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
