Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
