we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
