Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
North Korea, Best Korea!
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
