I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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