Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
