when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
