dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize