Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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