hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
