I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
