The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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