He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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