How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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