I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
