So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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