I must be too annoying 4 u.
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
