I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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