She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
The air was thick with penises
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
