I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
