omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
