Taylor Swift is so right about you.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
