if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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