my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Randomize