he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
