I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Randomize
