I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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