Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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