four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
