Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
now i know why i became what i already was.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
