Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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