From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Semen is not good for contacts.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
