I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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