My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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