Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
