i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
