people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
It's no shave November. This is our time.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
