you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
