I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
