I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
