That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
