Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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