hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
